What It All Means

The Root of the Matter

2010-08-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

One day, my habitually late professor was later than usual arriving to class. My classmates and I spent the time catching up with one another. One student, we’ll call him “Joe,” walked in and settled down in a seat a few desks away from mine. After a moment Joe turned to me and asks "Z, is that the real deal?" waving his hands around his head. "I like it."

It took me a moment to realize that he was referring to my hair, and after my initial shock dissipated, I hesitantly answered "Yes… it is.”
I could tell that he did not, could not understand the gravity of what he’d just asked me. At what point did it become socially acceptable to ask someone whether or not some part of them is natural? I would never have dared to ask if a woman has made some sort of augmentation to her body or if a man is wearing a toupee, especially in a public setting.

Joe, a white male, blundered into what many would consider a social faux pas. There was no way that I could effectively show him how his clumsy question had exposed the liberties that people of privilege take when making assumptions at the expense of others. After a rather palpable awkward silence, I asked, “What if it wasn’t my hair? Would you really expect me to answer that?”

For so many women, hair is powerful. It carries weight, meaning, and definition. It can be the source of one’s self-esteem, or the root of self-loathing. It is linked to some western women’s level of confidence in both social and professional settings. It is a statement, an expression, an opportunity to communicate to those around you without saying a word. Whether it is closely cropped or long and flowing, midnight black or platinum blond, straight as rain falling or coiled as the graceful curls of smoke from a lit candle; hair is identity for so many women. With it, one can do everything from flirt to seduce, punctuate to intimidate, acquiesce to outright defy. And it is the cornerstone of the multi-billion dollar beauty industry, an industry that women of color spend the most in and yet profit from the least.

I recently watched Chris Rock’s documentary “Good Hair” where he explores the lengths to which some women in the African American community are willing to go to style their hair, from chemical relaxers to the different types of weaves. While informative and hilariously entertaining, it left me wishing for deeper examination of the psychosocial implications of hair in communities of color. It did touch on them, but superficially at best, and at times ran dangerously close to sacrificing cultural respect in exchange for a few laughs. While it provided a look into the dynamic of hair in black communities, it did so without real context (in my opinion), and made trivial what women of color spend fortunes trying to understand and gain control of. The concept of “good hair” and “bad hair” in African communities is itself, a testament to the years of degradation that our great-grandmothers underwent, and the multi-generational aftereffects that women of color today continue to suffer from. In essence, we are born with “bad hair.” And through processes of heating, dying, neutralizing, relaxing, chemically burning, beating hair into obedience, we achieve at last what is believed to be “good hair.” Good, bad, good, bad… just about hair.

So there we were, his rapidly growing embarrassment matched only by my equally growing delight in seeing him backpedal. He mumbling something about "Beyonce’s song...pat your weave..." then he started saying how fake hair is the same as his color contact lenses, as though that should be some consolation. I did not allow him any reprieve by responding, just let him dangle over the abyss of social awkwardness he’d dug for himself.

Though his ignorance irritated me, what stung the most was the fact that it highlighted the significant pressures placed on African women to fit in with society’s standards of beauty; one that does not include us, our hair, our skin, our lineage. When it’s all said and done, a woman’s hair is her own. Whether it’s hers because she grew it or because she bought it is inconsequential. And if she decided on curls tomorrow, flat-ironed the next day, a G.I. Jane cut, or a full weave she should celebrate it as an art, a form of self expression, and not the definition of who she is.

Open, Messy, or I just don't get it?

2010-04-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

A while back I found myself in a conversation with two women. It was a conversation that I wasn't expecting, between a single mother and her friend where the friend was asking the single mom about her current relationship:

(Towards the end of the conversation)

Friend: So, how long have you guys been seeing each other?

Single Mom: A few months now.

F: How is it going? You see a future with him?

SM: He makes me so happy … I think there is definitely a future.

F: (Silent)... Is it still open?

SM: Yes.

F: Wait. People get married and all that in open relationships?

F: Hold on [turns to me]. How do you feel about open relationships?

ME: I don't really know about them… don't understand it.

SM: Well, part of an open relationship is being able to have other partners if you wish that way there's no cheating or whatever. I meet anyone he's interested in, and he would do the same with me. Open relationship is about having everything out in the open...even the other people you see

ME: ... interesting. I don't think I could agree to something like that (translation: HELL NO). Even if it was just on my end I don't think I could feel right doing that.

F: Same here!

SM: Oh well that's the thing; I'd have no issue with my actions because my partner knows what I'd be doing.

ME: That's very interesting (repeating in my mind "don't judge what you don't know")

Now, I really wanted to give the "are you crazy" look, because it makes no sense to me. Granted it might work for some, but it just seems like an excuse for cheating and not calling it cheating for others. I don't know if it was just my imagination but I felt like this woman was lying to herself. Some people want something so much that they'll continue to put themselves in situations that they may not have otherwise been open to.

Over the years there have been many social changes regarding relationships and how society views them some of which have become the norm. However, consider the reality of human nature, people don't always like to share, especially personal things. In most cases, we're inclined to be jealous of a partner being with someone else and we're resistant to that partner having another relationship.

She said something about being in a fully committed relationship. My question is: How can an open relationship be a fully committed relationship? And how and when, if at all, is this explained to the children from these relationships?

Interestingly, the very next day one of my classmates informed me that she too was in a polyamorous relationship. She said that she can't give her girlfriend everything she needs and vice-versa. Her rationale being that you can't expect to get everything from just one person.

Though I may not agree with everything I hear, I do appreciate these conversations because though I tend to see myself as a pretty open minded person, these types of things challenge me. In the end I know what I am closed or open to for my own life, but to each his/her own. I just feel like with most individuals this one is a ticking time bomb.

Can I take your photo? : Through My Lens

2010-03-31T21:08:00.000-07:00

I started a photo blog. Check it out: zftphoto.wordpress.com

It's called verbal diarrhea and I think have it... sometimes

2010-02-26T09:39:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that as of late, when it comes to verbally expressing myself, my mind and my mouth have not been formally introduced. I was in class the other night with a splitting headache and about 5 minutes away from giving a group presentation. I had my notes, knew the information but what came out of my mouth was the equivalent of verbal diarrhea. Gross, I know. But by the expression on my classmates' faces, you'd think that that's exactly what happened. I looked over at my group-mate and he just said "that's good, that's enough." At the time I didn't really care, I just wanted to go home and get some Advil. But the next morning, I was mortified. Was it simply because I'm SO over this program, simply because I haven't been feeling well? Or do I really have a problem?

Less than a decade ago, I could argue a point to death and make some damn good sense about it- or at least have you thinking it made sense. Or even when I was really quiet about a subject, when I did speak it was clear and knowledgeable. Now though... I can't even convince myself that what I'm saying makes sense. The next day on my 40 minute commute to class, I basically talked to myself (don't judge) and repeated what I should have said during the presentation, this time explaining it clearly. Why the hell couldn't I do that the night before?!

When I started to think about it more, I realized that its been like this over the last few years where even in my conversations with friends and family, it has been a challenge.

Perhaps a public speaking intervention class is in order. Let's just hope I don't sound like:

Play-what Now?

2010-02-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

As a young child, I don't recall going over to friends houses a lot. I do remember we weren't really allowed to do sleep overs. I'm not sure if that was because my mother preferred not to deal with it, or just didn't like her children spending the night at someone's house that she didn't know that well. Or perhaps she just didn't trust her kids, which probably isn't without its merit. When we were in 5th/4th grade my brother and I begged my mother to let us start walking home with friends instead of taking the bus or getting picked up. Somewhere along the way we got distracted and started playing basketball at some boys house, getting home hours after school had let out. Needless to say, that was the last time we walked home that year.

All of this is to say that I feel like kids are socialized way more than my generation ever was- or perhaps just more than I ever was. Now as an adult I watch the process that kids engage in at school, at parks, often with other kids they just met. One thing that has surfaced in these observations is how adults have modified their language. Like where the heck did "criss-cross, apple sauce" come from?

A few weeks back when I was picking up the kid from school, his classmate ran up and asked if he could come to my house to play. His mother who had just come in said "OK we should arrange a play date". In hindsight I hope I was successful at concealing the horror in my face because that was by far the most heinous word I'd heard that day. I can't even really articulate why I feel such repulsion by it, I just do.

I want to know who coined the phrase "play date". I just bet he or she was just trying to win a game of Scrabble. Seriously, can't kids just "go over to so-and-so's house", why does it have to be a date? Is it out of shear laziness that parents can't say that their kid is out with a friend?

Perhaps I'm being extreme, there are just some words that have no business together.

Can't write? Take pictures!

2010-02-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

I have plenty of ideas to write about, I just have no desire to write. Perhaps because I have to do so much of it for school. So what is there to post? Pictures!

My friend and photog buddy Nicole and her fiance Jesse are getting married in a few months and wanted to take some engagement pictures at their new home. So, I had a little fun with her new lens and let the morning light work its magic. Here's a teaser:

Hollywood Formula for Gold: Agent White Savior

2010-01-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

I found this article the day after I saw Avatar and thought it touched on most of the points I had going through my head. The movie, I thought, was visually stunning, the story was well told, and it didn't even feel like a 3 hour film.

Yet, throughout those three hours there was just one really big nagging feeling: here we go again with the cliche white savior. The main character, Jake, is marked as the "chosen one", the messiah, which was reminiscent of missionaries who forced natives to salvation and even reinforced any idea of white superiority. So, if you're sick of watching the same 'ole Hollywood story where the poor little person(s) of color needs saving by some slightly flawed but wise white person (Dangerous Minds, Gran Torino, Blind Side, etc.) its probably better to be aware of it before going in.

All of this makes me wonder, would fair representation really kill Hollywood? Ignorant of the business of it, I wouldn't think so. I just think people watch what's good. And honestly, Avatar would have been a good movie regardless of the male lead, who I did not think was very good.

Another thing is that people are complaining that "it's just a movie" and that we colored folk are being too sensitive as usual. However, wouldn't one assume if there was a balanced perception, then people wouldn't complain?
Seriously, the abundance of white lady teacher movies are killing me. I mean I'm well aware that there are people like that regardless of color, the problem is there is really only one type of person who is celebrated.

Consider how good films such as Lean on Me, Stand and Deliver, the Marva Collins Story were; all true. Why do our kids have to be under the illusion that a Hollywood character is the one who can help them. Anyway, I digress...

Next topic of debate: The Magic Negro

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100111/ap_on_en_mo/us_avatar_racism

By JESSE WASHINGTON, AP National Writer Jesse Washington, Ap National Writer – Mon Jan 11, 9:40 am ET

Near the end of the hit film "Avatar," the villain snarls at the hero, "How does it feel to betray your own race?" Both men are white — although the hero is inhabiting a blue-skinned, 9-foot-tall, long-tailed alien.

Strange as it may seem for a film that pits greedy, immoral humans against noble denizens of a faraway moon, "Avatar" is being criticized by a small but vocal group of people who allege it contains racist themes — the white hero once again saving the primitive natives.

Since the film opened to widespread critical acclaim three weeks ago, hundreds of blog posts, newspaper articles, tweets and YouTube videos have said things such as the film is "a fantasy about race told from the point of view of white people" and that it reinforces "the white Messiah fable."

The film's writer and director, James Cameron, says the real theme is about respecting others' differences.

In the film (read no further if you don't want the plot spoiled for you) a white, paralyzed Marine, Jake Sully, is mentally linked to an alien's body and set loose on the planet Pandora. His mission: persuade the mystic, nature-loving Na'vi to make way for humans to mine their land for unobtanium, worth $20 million per kilo back home.

Like Kevin Costner in "Dances with Wolves" and Tom Cruise in "The Last Samurai" or as far back as Jimmy Stewart in the 1950 Western "Broken Arrow," Sully soon switches sides. He falls in love with the Na'vi princess and leads the bird-riding, bow-and-arrow-shooting aliens to victory over the white men's spaceships and mega-robots.

Adding to the racial dynamic is that the main Na'vi characters are played by actors of color, led by a Dominican, Zoe Saldana, as the princess. The film also is an obvious metaphor for how European settlers in America wiped out the Indians.

Robinne Lee, an actress in such recent films as "Seven Pounds" and "Hotel for Dogs," said that "Avatar" was "beautiful" and that she understood the economic logic of casting a white lead if most of the audience is white.

But she said the film, which so far has the second-highest worldwide box-office gross ever, still reminded her of Hollywood's "Pocahontas" story — "the Indian woman leads the white man into the wilderness, and he learns the way of the people and becomes the savior."

"It's really upsetting in many ways," said Lee, who is black with Jamaican and Chinese ancestry. "It would be nice if we could save ourselves."

Annalee Newitz, editor-in-chief of the sci-fi Web site io9.com, likened "Avatar" to the recent film "District 9," in which a white man accidentally becomes an alien and then helps save them, and 1984's "Dune," in which a white man becomes an alien Messiah.

"Main white characters realize that they are complicit in a system which is destroying aliens, AKA people of color ... (then) go beyond assimilation and become leaders of the people they once oppressed," she wrote.

"When will whites stop making these movies and start thinking about race in a new way?" wrote Newitz, who is white.

Black film professor and author Donald Bogle said he can understand why people would be troubled by "Avatar," although he praised it as a "stunning" work.

"A segment of the audience is carrying in the back of its head some sense of movie history," said Bogle, author of "Toms, Coons, Mulattoes, Mammies & Bucks: An Interpretive History of Blacks in American Films."

Bogle stopped short, however, of calling the movie racist.

"It's a film with still a certain kind of distortion," he said. "It's a movie that hasn't yet freed itself of old Hollywood traditions, old formulas."

Writer/director Cameron, who is white, said in an e-mail to The Associated Press that his film "asks us to open our eyes and truly see others, respecting them even though they are different, in the hope that we may find a way to prevent conflict and live more harmoniously on this world. I hardly think that is a racist message."

There are many ways to interpret the art that is "Avatar."

What does it mean that in the final, sequel-begging scene, Sully abandons his human body and transforms into one of the Na'vi for good? Is Saldana's Na'vi character the real heroine because she, not Sully, kills the arch-villain? Does it matter that many conservatives are riled by what they call liberal environmental and anti-military messages?

Is Cameron actually exposing the historical evils of white colonizers? Does the existence of an alien species expose the reality that all humans are actually one race?

"Can't people just enjoy movies any more?" a person named Michelle posted on the Web site for Essence, the magazine for black women, which had 371 comments on a story debating the issue.

Although the "Avatar" debate springs from Hollywood's historical difficulties with race, Will Smith recently saved the planet in "I Am Legend," and Denzel Washington appears ready to do the same in the forthcoming "Book of Eli."

Bogle, the film historian, said that he was glad Cameron made the film and that it made people think about race.

"Maybe there is something he does want to say and put across" about race, Bogle said. "Maybe if he had a black hero in there, that point would have been even stronger."

___

Jesse Washington covers race and ethnicity for The Associated Press.

My Kind of Therapy

2010-01-12T20:51:00.000-08:00

Painting that is...

I've always enjoyed drawing, all that I could detail with a pencil and paper. Painting is different, I have no idea how to paint and have limited control (in comparison); my hand rarely does what I want when I paint. So I've given up trying to control what goes on that canvas, and though its no master piece, I've taken solace in the fact that I don't have to pay too much attention to detail and get lost in the liberty of color.

Now if only I could learn to photograph paintings better.

Stressed Out? Frustrated? Perhaps A New Career Is In Order... I'm Just Saying.

2009-12-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

The reactions of the school/district are truly disturbing and I was really surprised at the mother's (lack of) response. Certain people should just simply NOT be teachers. Baring the fact that there are plenty of issues with poor district support, a lack of parent involvement; if a teacher is that stressed out, if he/she is that incapable of doing his/her job safely and effectively, they need to get out.

Right now that teacher is $175 out her pocket. That little girl was moved to a completely different class, missing a chunk of hair, and likely traumatized from that kind of humiliation. Who got the punishment here?

So, you like stuff?

2009-12-18T20:33:00.000-08:00

You ever sit down to finally write and just can't really motivate yourself to do so? Well, that's where I'm at. I find myself writing things that I really don't care about and I can't even fake it. Luckily I don't write for a living.

Peanut Butter Quilting Time!

2009-11-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

I started a quilt a few months ago and got stuck when it came time to put it all together. The other day with a bit of help I was able to finally get it done. Though, with plenty of errors, it still feels good to add this to my creative resume.

(front)

(back)

He's back... and I'm not talking about the coffee

2009-11-12T14:32:00.000-08:00

I've been slacking on the writing but here's what I've been up to:

I had the fortune of going to the Maxwell Concert on his BLACKsummer'snight tour and even though I was in the nose-bleeds he sure gave us our money's worth- a 2 HOUR show which is unheard of these days. After 7 years he's returned with not just one regular album but the titled "Black Summer's Night" in the form of a trilogy.

On a side note: I thought it was interesting that his new look and style reminds me very much of an early Marvin Gaye with the clean cut, slim suits, and of course sexxay ;)
Aside from the grown women going completely crazy in the crowd, the concert was amazing, the band was phenomenal! Not only were they outstanding on their individual instruments but they could sing too- and sing well. I'm loving the horns in "Bad Habits", i just get lost in them every time I hear it. What I've heard of this album, the instrumentals really stand out in a time of auto tune and synthesized beats. We can hope to hear more from Maxwell...

Journals of a Sick Insomniac: Hip-Hop Awards

2009-10-28T01:44:00.000-07:00

I run the risk of sounding ancient but what the hell has been on the radio these days? I have one trusty station that is pretty consistent with good music and usually keeps me happy but you got to change it up. However, I take that chance of exposing myself to verbal diarrhea such as “LOL, smiley face”, “you a jerk” and “have a baby by me”. If you’ve had to endure listening to songs like this, your ears have been verbally assaulted. Is there therapy for that? And if I hear one more stripper song… so help me.

Last night I was flipping through the channels in my stage 1 flu induced coma and came across the BET Hip Hop Awards. And for whatever reason (lets blame illness) I couldn’t look away or seem to change the channel at the barrage of performances with half naked dancers -not really dancing- and men clad in more jewelry than any women should feel comfortable wearing. And we wonder how young men start objectifying women at younger and younger ages, but I digress.

All the while I’m trying to figure out why the announcers are yelling at me.

Here are some highlights (well from my perspective):

Gucci Mane’s PSA where he stated that although he makes party songs, he takes his sobriety seriously…. (there is nothing I can add without sounding completely insensitive… and right)
The Dream looks like an underdeveloped chipmunk….
I never thought I’d see Kid n’ Play together again… doing the kid n’ play
The “you a jerk” kids were wearing skinny jeans… automatic FAIL (see last post)
I still don’t know what Soldier Boy says in any of his songs… or Gucci Mane for that matter…
Please don’t wear red, black and green when you’re singing that song. Matter-of-fact just don’t…
Busta Rhymes got HELLLA big!!! I mean bigger than last year! I’m not saying, but I’m saying…
Lil Scrappy is still around?
It’s hard for me not to like Luda :)…
Um, you don’t hold your mic like that. Yea, like that. You know why; because that happens…(refer to Dorrough's performance)
Snoops hair was looking extra silky…
When is Black Thought going to get real recognition
The Cypher was cool (would have been nice to see more of a female presence)- Mos Def, Black Thought, KRS,… I don't care what anyone says, Eminem’s delivery will always annoy me AND he's truly disturbed

Mos Def, Black Thought, Eminem (you can stop before you get to Eminem)

So let me be fair. When I was growing up, grown folks would hate on the music we loved, the styles we creatively displayed in our clothing and hair. Perhaps it’s because I can’t feel the same connection to these songs as I did with the music of my adolescence, perhaps it’s because it’s just not for me. I must admit, a part of me does feel bad when I think of all the young people whose nostalgia will be connected to booty songs and incoherent words. Like will they look back 20 years from now and look up to the sky with a reminiscent gaze when they hear Soldier Boy “Tell Em”? Shoot, they just might!

If I really think about it, there are songs I probably shouldn't be so reminiscent about.

I'm just saying though, if someone had tried to make a video for a song like Buddy present day, there is no way they could have, would have kept it this clean.

School Daze: Backpack Ready and Skinny Jeans Galore

2009-10-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

I've been back to school for about two months now and finally have a chance and a bit of brain capacity to blog.

The first day was interesting. I was assigned to read a book and write two papers which I admit caught me off guard. When one of my classmates asked the professor how long she'd like the papers to be, she gave him this look and responded "Do you really want me to answer that?" Welcome to grad school.

Although there was this weird sense of familiarity, I still felt like I was in an alien environment. Mostly though, I just felt old. Not as in elderly, just disconnected from these young people who were walking around campus in their oversize glasses without lenses, shutter shades (which don't make any damn sense), ed hardy shirts... did I miss something or are the 80s back?

However, the oddest thing was when my eyes were assaulted with the overwhelming number of men wearing skinny jeans, and worse, sagging skinny jeans. I don't really know what possessed this fashion faux pas but it doesn't rock fellas.

Also, aren't there medical implications to wearing your jeans too tight? Ohhhh, is that why some guys sag them? Lets just hope that men in heels isn't the next trend.

that's all folks

And you can look like this too!

2009-10-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

All you need is some blue eye shadow and about three wigs pieced together. Although something tells me you won't want to. Perhaps because she is a self-proclaimed fashionista or because she wants to give Mrs. Obama a run for being the most recognized current first lady. Chantal Biya, the first lady of Cameroon is hard not to notice. Thanks to my cousin I just saw a series of some of the most interesting pictures.

Do I feel guilty about blogging about this woman rather than the state of affairs in Africa and perhaps the reasons there are people like this? Slightly.

Wonderful...

2009-08-25T22:26:00.000-07:00

What's worse than one pimple on your first day of school? Two fatty pimples on your first day of school.
"Hello fellow classmates, hello professor so and so, please try not to focus on the tumor attached to my face."

The annoying part is not just the less than aesthetic aspect of it, but that its annoyingly painful.

Next week they won't recognize me.

Published: There's a first time for everything.

2009-08-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

Yay, yay!

*doing a happy dance*

As far as I can recall I don't remember ever being published (with the exception of the high school paper I was editor of a million years ago). A few months back, the editor of ELEM contacted me said he'd read my blog and loved it! Hey, this is the one time I get to toot my own horn and if I don't who will. Now I know there is a at least one person who means it and who's not obligated to like my blog. And I believe the word used to describe it was "superb".

Ok off my fantasy land soap box - but hey it is encouraging when people like your writing.

So the July issue contains a poem of mine. And starting next month I will have a regular "column".

*back to my happy dance*

The People Formerly Known As "Niggas"

2009-08-21T18:23:00.000-07:00

No matter how many times I've seen this clip, its still powerful.

School Daze: Three classes and 6 books later

2009-08-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

112.73 + 88.75 + 137.35 = $338.83

... that's how much books will be costing me just for Fall Semester.

Yup, that's right, I'm going back to school. Undergrad ended what seems like an eternity ago so the idea of returning to life as a student is exciting and terrifying at the same time... but enough of that for now. What I really need to get off my chest is the issue of books cost so damn much. I don't know how I could have forgotten about this little factor.

When I started looking up the "required" (as if there was an option, every single book was required) textbooks for my classes, I couldn't really make sense of it. What I was going to have to spend on books was a plane ticket to paradise, a spa & resort weekend, a lifetime supply of gum. OK so would I have spent my money on those things, probably not. But its the idea of it!

Another thing, I really wish I could send this message out to all the professors of the world saying: Just because you wrote a book doesn't mean you have to make people read it. I have one professor (who's name I will reveal after I receive my degree and letter of recommendation) who has FOUR of his own books as required materials. FOUR! Who does that? That's like eating babies. I haven't even met him yet and I already strongly dislike him.

Signing off,
Effed with no lube
(sorry mama)

I'm watching this...

2009-08-12T08:57:00.000-07:00

Good Hair

The Choice of Ignorance

2009-08-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

What's worse, when someone chooses not to know or learn things or just plain ignorance? A question that's been nagging at me for a few weeks now.... people are funny.

that's all

Paying to Work

2009-07-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

This has been a slow blog month and here is my justification:

There comes a point during unemployment that some people decide they'd like to actually be productive during their time of... well, unemployment. So as I was searching through job listings I discovered a cool internship and I figured it wouldn't hurt to shoot my resume over. Long story short, this past June I started working at said internship for NO money. The compensation listed in the job description of course was "valuable experience"... which it is. Not only is it additional experience I can add to the resume and my own professional development, but its mentally stimulating to get back to doing structured work; not just volunteering, not just working on personal projects.

However, one thing I should mention is that this internship is 1 hour away using public transportation. The time is not my issue as much as how much it costs to get there. Since BART has increased its fares a round-trip ticket now costs me $10. Ten dollars, twice a week for 12 weeks... is $240 that I am pulling out of thin air.

Now that this project is coming to a close it's bittersweet because I'll miss the office, I'll miss the great people I've met... but I sure as hell won't miss spending that money to get there. Next time (and I hope there isn't one) I'll reconsider paying to work.

Progress! Garden 2.0

2009-07-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

The business!
Its coming along...

And the plum tree we finally got to enjoy!

Coontastic!

2009-07-09T08:31:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to thank Michael Bay for keeping his perception of black people alive. I saw the new Transformers movie last night and as expected it was about an hour too long. At points I thought it was considerably better than the first one except the glaringly obvious racial caricatures they used for the Twins, Skids and Mudflap but I wouldn't have been surprised if their names were Sleep n' Eat. Their language and actions are clearly racially coded but because they are robots I guess Mr. Bay thought it wouldn't be as obvious.

As usual, Hollywood unapologetically uses black caricatures to provide comic relief but again its degrading and offensive. The visual portrayal of the Twins is insulting enough as they have big ears, dopey eyes, one has a buck gold tooth, and they even went as far as to exaggerate the other one's lips. I've never seen a Transformer with lips, a mouth, yes... lips, no. Then of course they offer no mental stimulation; they talk in some sort of pseudo rap/street talk that someone imagines that black people sound like and they are illiterate. The best part is that Michael Bay said the (white) voice actor Tom Kenny improvised their voices and dialogue... now I don't know if he's passing the blame or what, either way its ridiculous.

Granted there were some other racially insensitive portrayals and comments, but the Twins by far was the worst. I'm really surprised that I didn't hear about this sooner or I wouldn't have wasted my free movie tickets. With the significant increase in foul language and buffoonery galore, I wouldn't recommend it for the kiddies this time. Spare your beautiful children's' minds from this modern day coontastic display, they won't miss anything.

"It's You, Not Me"

2009-06-02T05:28:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: It's 4am and I can't sleep because I think I pinched a nerve in my back. Forgive all the spelling and grammar errors.

So before anyone goes up in a tizzy about this, let me just say that this is not about anyone in particular. The other day I was chatting with my buddy about communicating with the opposite sex. Throughout our conversation I couldn't help but think how interesting it is when men and women have a "conversation" we tend to have completely opposing viewpoints on what is said.

One thing that I don't appreciate from our dear brothers is the need to make us (women) look crazy in the said conversations. They talk all this fancy jibber jabber that doesn't make sense, but they say it so calmly that it sounds like rocket science (thanks elosi). And then when a woman says something that is full of sense, reasoning, and logic but is mixed with the slightest bit of emotion, attitude or what-have-you, she is said to be irrational, overly emotional, and just an overall punk for having feelings.

Since when did any sign of emotion eliminate all sound reason? Don't get me wrong, I know when crazy sounds like crazy. But men can always fall back on the dismissal of the crazy woman and not feel bad at all. In fact, they convince themselves so thoroughly that we're crazy that I think that’s all they hear: "Blah, blah, blah, crazy, blah blah, crazy, blah, crazy, crazy, crazy."

How many times did I use the word ‘crazy’ in this post?

peaces.

Corporate Natural

2009-06-01T11:58:00.000-07:00

There is this issue that I have with corporate america: when did it become unprofessional to wear your hair in a non-conformist state?! Brothers cutting locs, sisters pressing and weaving during the week and changing it up on the weekend.

I'm not saying that everyone should just wear their hair however they please at work especially if that includes not cleaning it. But why is it against any protocol to wear your hair how it grows naturally from your roots?

*I would not approve of this either

I'm bothered by the issues of black hair and public perception. And this is not limited to our work places. Since he started campaigning, Obama's daughters have had their hair in a press and curl and I doubt we'll see anything different. There is nothing wrong with straightening ones hair, but I personally don't believe in applying heat and chemicals on young girls.

Do I believe that they are doing it because they hate "black" hair? No. but I think that we all feel pressured to fit whatever mold that society has deemed appropriate... and sometimes at the expense of our own beauty.

New do for my new year?

2009-05-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

I've had my hair in the same style for the past 4/5 years and before that it was just long and usually in a ponytail. Every year I debate if this is the year I try a bold new cut. My current style was inspired from a bold new cut... 5 years ago. I love it but I'm growing tired of it. So in my insomnia last night this is what I discovered:

1) I think I'd like it bit longer in the front, plus my hair has a bit of a looser curl:

2) Not as bold as this one, and lets keep in mind I have a serious bean and forehead:

3) and a little longer:

My only concern, other than looking like a little boy, is that I won't have a fall back plan because I'll just have to wait for it to grow . No throw it up in a bun, no ponytail, no braid it in my Celie braids. Anyway, we shall see if this is the year.

Peaces

I now pronounce you....

2009-05-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was blessed to be in a wedding for my girl J. The wedding was beautiful, the bride and groom were beautiful, the weather was perfect. As I stood and watched them say their vows I looked out to all of our other friends who are married or on their way to getting married and thought it was just a powerful moment to share with each other.

Then on Tuesday many couples that I know were marginalized as it was announced that Proposition 8, the voter-approved initiative to make same-sex marriage illegal in California, was upheld by the California Supreme Court. Again, I don't understand how a majority can make judgments and laws against a minority especially when it doesn't affect them. Its hard for me to grasp the logic here. I don't care what your opinions or your values regarding your own life but I also don't expect you to impose your views onto my life and how I can live it.

The only reason opposing gay marriage that I've heard has to do with religion/"traditional" values. Thing is a lot of people hollering about religion and traditional families haven't stuck to what the doctrine says. Hypocritical? Yes, but I'm not going to go and tell Joe Shmo that he's not a real Christian or that he's going to hell because he has premarital sex or does drugs or doesn't pay his taxes... why? because its his life.

For what its worth, the gay couples that I do know, have some of the strongest relationships I've seen and piece of paper will affect their legal union (or lack thereof) but not the love that they share. I'm a bit irritated by all of this, but I'm going to go look at pictures from this weekend and be merry about the couple who were able to celebrate their legal marriage.

Happy birthday to me.... on Sunday

2009-05-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what to do with myself. The little one has already booked me to go see the new pixar movie... I feel slightly hustled. But its all good... as long as I don't get this:

Hey mister, its your birthday...

2009-05-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today is the birthday of someone very dear to me. A man who has loved me and allowed me to love him more selflessly than I thought was possible. (Plus, he shares a birthday with Malcolm X and I don't think that is any coincidence). He is generous, he is resilient, and with each day he is proving himself to be the man he wants to become. This will be the fourth birthday of his that we have celebrated together and though we are not able to welcome the day together (as he's hard at work "stacking skrillas") I feel blessed. I was able to do one thing and its something that I rarely, if ever, do... I sang to him... and I didn't sound too bad over the muffled connection, hey!

And so mister, even though you only read this from time to time, know that you are another year older, another year wiser, and that your family loves you. Happy birthday love.

(We won't forget the pledge)

"Girl, you make me wanna go to Africa"

2009-05-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

This is real. That is what I hear while walking around downtown Oakland after an interview. I hear it not just the first time I walked past dude, but 2 stores and 3 blocks later I see him again. He said it again but with an audience this time and as hard as I tried to keep a straight face I couldn't.

Like I mentioned before its been a minute since I've been to the club or out and about so I haven't heard a lot of "game" as of late so it kind of caught me off guard. But I'm going to have to go ahead and say that not having game or acting as though you have none has to be the best game of all (mister here is smirking because that's how he figures he "got" me). Truth be told his line - if you'll call it that - was telling me that I reminded him of pancakes and waffles. Of course there is a story behind it but that's for another post.

I started this post as some of the worst lines I've heard, but my long term memory isn't working so well. Here's one for the road:

Peaces.

Inch by inch, row by row...

2009-05-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

We're gonna make this garden grow!

And yes that's my real grass.

So after all that complaining, I saw the best thing ever: GRASS! There is hope, I can grow grass. Its not perfect but it works. My parents are what I call professional DIYers so I doubt they'd be impressed by this. But bump it.

Peace.

Gimme that, gimme that, that chicken

2009-05-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm full and a bit perturbed . Full, because I benefited from the free grilled chicken meal that Oprah so generously offered on her website today. Perturbed, because I am tired about how the media goes on depicting black folks as of late, i.e. crazy for chicken. I could mention that some people didn't have to go on camera like that, but I'm not.

Anyway, so the mister and I drive up to the nearest franchise and as soon as I turn the corner there is a deep line of cars at the drive-thru window. I slow down (a little bit!) and this guy behind me starts honking his horn excessively. I turn around and this man is with his kid going ape-(like) for no apparent reason other than, I guess I was slowing down his Mission: Grilled Chicken. So I give him the evil eye, park the car and walk inside. There's a line but nothing too serious. But five minutes later a swarm of people get in line behind us and I'm thinking maybe mr. ape-(like) foresaw it and that was why he was in such a tizzy. His son was probably more disturbing as he kept reaching into the pants of his baseball uniform and "readjusting" and THEN touching the drink machine and getting ice and eating it.

So everyone else seemed pretty chill and kfc actually seemed prepared because the only thing they ran out of was biscuits and they replaced those with cornbread; even better! As far as the meal itself. I'm no kfc buff or fan, but add some hot sauce and that chicken was pretty not bad. I'll worry about the consequences tomorrow.

Now, how many other black people in there besides us? One. And his only party foul was that he asked the mister- sorry, told him - that he was Jamaican because he has locs.

Now can they yummy places catch up to the fast food joints. I want some free good food deal, like at a real restaurant.

The Nitty Gritty

2009-05-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

So we've taken to a little beautification project in the back yard. And those of you who know me might ask, why put all your sweat and money into a house that ain't yours. Well for one thing, its not much money and its good exercise. But mainly its because I want to enjoy my living space. I want to sit back there on a warm summer evening and enjoy some greenery.

Its going to take some time and I'm not the most patient person when it comes to waiting on results. My grass seeds still haven't germinated!! - is that the right term?

Almost a week later and I still don't see any grass :(

This is all going to be a challenge considering our 1.5 year old pup has a history of chewing plants, she's particularly fond of the plum tree. Last year she ate all the good plums, and from the few that I got a hold of, they sure were tasty.

The plum tree which has fallen victim to a canine ( and the fence too).

Hopefully my update on this will be on the positive. Until next time...

Silly Rabbit, Reading's for Kids

2009-04-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

Life Lesson #72: There is nothing greater than watching kids learn how to read.

As a kid I would stay up all night reading and be tres unpleasant in the morning. My parents gave up on trying to set a "bedtime", it was "just be in your bed and do what you need to" time. Before I learned to read, I would have a stack of books (Bernstein Bears, Anansi stories, Curious George, etc.) that I'd have ready for my mom and when she fell asleep...on my bed... I'd take the stack to my dad. I loved reading so much that I could read in the car and not get car sick. I loved it so much that I'd use the headlights on the cars behind us when it started to get dark on our family road trips. I loved reading SO much that I would stick my books in my text books, no illicit materials needed!

Ok, I think I've made my point, but the best part about reading, is finding a book thats so good that you don't want to get out of bed until you finish it. When you have to stop reading a great story, its like having to leave a new love; painful to leave but exciting at the prospect of coming back.

And now I get to watch my own kiddo (at heart) learn the wonderful goodness of reading. I feel so blessed that I've had a hand in teaching him this fundamental stage in his life. And the best part is he Loves it!

I'm a bundle of mush presently as he just asked me if he read "warning" right. AND he's 4, what!

I gotta headache and its not a tumor...

2009-04-25T08:06:00.001-07:00

I come from a long line of migraine having women. My mother, my aunt, my grandmother, whoever else, and now me. If I don't catch it in time with some Advil the rest of my day, or at least a big chunk of it, is pretty much shot. The only reprieve I get is a dark room with a cool rag over my eyes.

So the past couple of days I've been having these little headaches that just won't leave me be! It could be from dehydration, or stress, but the worst ones are when you wake up to a headache and that's where I am now. Irritated and with headache and looking at this dang computer screen which probably doesn't help, but I gotta keep it moving.

I've decided to be proactive about it and see what yoga poses might help. I used to be really good at yoga and practiced for years but this year I've really fallen off. So we'll see how it goes.

Let me stop blogging about it and just do it (click on the image for the breakdown):

Strange, Unusual, Crazy, But... True

2009-04-09T15:57:00.000-07:00

So my homeboy from college and I had a chance to catch up last week, which was nice. As usual when you're catching up with friends you get the 411 on the love life. So he updates me on how he's been seeing a woman from school and as he's telling me about her, I sensed some hesitation then he finally says, "There's something off though and I can't put my finger on it." and this is how the conversation progressed:

Me: oh yea, what?
him: well, she doesn't work but she has this huge house and this sports car and...
me: does she rent?
him: no she owns
me: well maybe her parents pay for everything, you know there are people like that
him: maybe... its just something is off

So a few days later after a weird "date" they had I get a phone call from him "oh my god Z, I got a story for you" Of course, a sucker for a good story, I hit him back and the conversation goes a little something like this:

me: so what happened
him: well we had a very weird date (insert random but unnecessary details) and the next day she left me a drunk message. I tried returning her call a few times but she never got back to me.
me: ok ...
him: well so i decided to do a reverse address search and the house is not under her name.
me: so what's the big deal, its probably her parents or something.
him: (long pause) ... no, I did the search and it came up with ___________ name. So I decided to do a image search on __________ and its her.
me: (confused silence)
him: she lied to me about her name or something because the name matches her pictures on here and ... she does pornos.
me: wtf! for real?
him: yeah, like its really strange but I'm kinda upset that she lied to me. So what should I do?
me: well if she doesn't call you back you won't have to worry about that

the end.

Disclaimer: Nothing against folks in the "industry", just a strange, unusual, crazy but true story!

Don't Fall For It: American Data Group

2009-04-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

I'm still on the job search and I ran across an add (American Data Group) that advertised a variety of government jobs. I decide to give them a call and after giving me his spiel, the salesman says that there is a $69 agency fee. I sense something fishy so I change my mind. And its a good thing I did because I did an internet search on them and found this.

Now I'm not sure who thought this was a great idea, because it seems like a direct ticket to hell if you ask me. Unemployment ain't no joke for a lot of people and to take advantage of them like this is just low.

I'm not pregnant

2009-03-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

But the girl on MTV True Life is, but that's not the point.

I used to go out a lot. Not for the scene, not to meet guys, but to dance. I loved it, loved feeling the base in my chest, loved that my feet hurt so bad by the end of the night, loved the brisk air on sweat glazed skin when leaving the club, loved how the rhythm dictates your movements. Now?... well now, that it's been ages since I've went dancing as though I went on maternity leave. And so I feel hesitant, even awkward in my movements, and well, this is hard to say... I'm scared that I might even look like Elaine!!!

"I Think I'm in Love, Again ... ": Meet Janelle Monae

2009-03-24T10:28:00.000-07:00

The past few years I've been pretty disappointed with the music industry but I heard Janelle Monae last year and I've fallen in love with her music. She's fresh, talented and gorgeous... not to mention she's a total nut but I think that's required when you produce great music. This is her first video so far but you she has some other great songs like "Sincerely Jane "and "Violet Stars Happy Hunting", as well as when her features on Outkast's "Call The Law" and "In Your Dreams".

Death to the Quack

2009-03-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to express my extreme dissatisfaction with health care providers right now.

I just dropped close to $200 on a dental visit for some cavities I'm not sure I really had.

Also, I believe that if my doctor cannot diagnose a problem I'm having, then I should not have to pay that $20 copay for each visit only for her to tell me she doesn't know what's wrong with me.

So there you have it; dentists do stuff that you wouldn't know you needed or not and doctors get paid for not doing anything at all.

In Honor of St. Patty's Day: Where Da Gold At?

2009-03-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

I've watched this each year and it never gets old.

Twitter What?!?

2009-03-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

So I really don't understand the hype.

They call it tweeting, or twittering or twa... oops, not that one.

Why would I want to read minute by minute updates of what people I know or people I don't know are doing, and why would anyone want to read mine?

I have to say, I'm mad I didn't come up with a stupid idea that could make me millions. Damn internet geeks!

R.I.P. Off

2009-03-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

One wouldn't think that spending several hours at a funeral home would be useful -myself included. That is, until I recently had the opportunity to accompany some family while they were making arrangements for a loved one. First random thought was: who said funeral homes had to be dank and dark and just downright depressing? Do you really want to be reminded of how horrible you're already feeling? Second random thought: Why is this lady giving my niece a huge dusty stuffed animal to play with?

Anyway, I digress.

So after spending close to 4 hours at this funeral home (located on Mission in Hayward, Ca) debating with the overly emotional, tragically dramatic, condo owning, fancy car driving owner I've decided that this is what needs to happen in the event of my death:

1) Do not spend $200 on a cardboard box. I'm going to be buried in it, I'll never know what it looked like, and I'd prefer to be buried directly into the ground anyway. So no fancy shmancy coffins. If you feel bad because it makes you look cheap, don't, that's only a standard that our superficial society has imposed on us.

2) Please make sure that the funeral home owner does not charge you $2,000 for a meeting. Don't sign ANYTHING until you know exactly what you're paying for. She'll go on about how she's not trying to take your money and how she lives in a condo.... and that means what?

3) Do not let the owners cries about her overhead mean anything to you... its not your problem. Next thing you know she'll be driving by in her $50,000 car thinking about what she's gonna do with your money.

4) Get the most basic and least expensive arrangement there is available, and please don't be afraid or ashamed to get the best deal. Remember that they are ripping you off and its okay to call their bluff. Nothing is set in stone

5) I do not wish to pollute the earth with any kind of embalming chemicals. I'm okay with the freezer, really.

So you might be wondering why I'm listing "upon my death" wishes on the internet. Well plain and simple until I get a will, I'm hoping that this will have some sort of legal baring in case of my unfortunate demise.

It was truly an educational experience.

Blogs are a comin'!

2009-03-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

After a few complaints I've decided its finally time I stop bsing like I don't have time on my hands and get back to the blogging. Stay tuned...

Barack: Beyonce for Men (swipe)

2009-02-09T22:50:00.000-08:00

Have you ever read a blog and thought, I was thinking about that just a second ago! But this person wrote it a whole lot better...
Well I read the blog "Conversate Is Not a Word" from time to time and she's a great writer and this is one of my favorite blogs from her so far.

PSA #60398485: Tsk, tsk Chris Brown

2009-02-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

So, I guess I get a late pass on this but Chris Brown (allegedly) beat up his lady, Rihanna. Of course the media was not stating that it was her who filed the claim, which is kinda funny trying to make her a mystery woman or something. Why? No, idea. Now with all do respect to Rihanna, I couldn't really get past the idea of someone getting beat on by a guy who still looks like a baby.

Granted we don't know all of what went down, but here's Public Service Announcement #60398485 to Mr. Brown: nothing a woman does to you, short of threatening your life (with a gun) is worth going pugilistic on her. And to add insult to injury, they're saying he BIT her! WTF dude, that's just a $%#*@ move. At best he's acting like a hot head 19 year old who doesn't know any better. Needless to say, America's squeaky pop boy won't be keeping his Doublemint gum contract.

It's A New Day...

2009-01-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

I admit, I have been pretty annoyed about all the hyping up of the inauguration. But watching the ceremony this morning (i.e. just the speeches) with the men in my life really was inspiring. We have a biracial president, and a good man!

And now for my 0.5 seconds of fame:

One can hope...

Reality Check

2009-01-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

I think I'm starting to think too much. The first few days of unemployment actually felt pretty relaxing. Now, exactly one week since the layoff , I'm just starting to make moves. Slow moves. Thing is, I'm not sure what I'm looking for and I'm starting to feel the pressure.

I Got the Boot...

2009-01-13T16:21:00.000-08:00

I can't say I didn't see it coming, but at the same time I don't think I did, not really, really. This economic crisis is getting those of us who thought we were in an industry that was immune to this type of thing. Unfortunately, I, along with 80 other individuals got laid off this morning.

I have to say, I'm not as shaken up about it as I thought I might be. I am disappointed that I'm not going to be able to start or complete a few projects that I wanted for this year and I don't like not having financial security. But I also see this as another path, a path that might actually mean something other than "just a job". I have a feeling this year is going to be full of unexpected turns. We'll see, I'm curious.

Queens Get the Money

2009-01-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

Fish + Sandwich = wonderful goodness

2009-01-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

I'm in need of a really good fish sandwich.

+

=

Old and Happy

Who's Policing the Police?

2009-01-07T11:10:00.000-08:00

It looks to me that Oscar Grant was unarmed, cooperative and relatively calm. I pray that there is justice or else Oakland will not let this go quietly. At some point the justice system is going to have to acknowledge that they have created their own "gangsters", their own thugs and a badge don't make it right. Another young black man ...

"Kurt Loder asked me what I say to a dead cop's wife/The cops kill my people everyday thats life" (c) Talib Kweli

2009 is gonna be Fine!

2008-12-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

I'm excited about the new year. Something tells me that its going to be full of challenges, but good ones. Challenges that can only help you grow (well mainly). I hope that I've learned more in this past year about myself, my dreams, my failures, so that I can take that knowledge with me into the new year accomplish my goals. Looking back 2008 was pretty great, wish I did more but I can do it in 2009. On to the next year, big thangs are gonna happen!

Update... I'm not ashamed

2008-12-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

It seems that when it rains it pours. Among getting loads of bad news yesterday, guess what happened? Sucka punk chick sent another email yesterday, maybe she saw my blog post (not likely:). Anyway, she said that they changed their minds and whatever wanted to come over and discuss the lease. I wanted to say a whole lot but I know one thing and that no matter how much I don't care for her ways, money is green and in these hard times that is the only thing that is clear. I can't even let my pride or emotions dictate even though I'd like to. So as of now, we're set. I get the feeling I might be venting on here, lets hope not.

But I'm glad to say I'm getting more and more serious about this home buying thing. We shall see what happens.

Time is Money and I ain't Rich

2008-12-09T08:26:00.001-08:00

After going through the painful process of searching for new roommates, we finally found a fit. And then as we're waiting for them to come over and sign the lease, 15 minutes before their expected arrival I see an email in my inbox:

Dear [Me],

This sucks and I have to wholeheartedly apologize in advance.

Well without going into too much detail, as of today, [Sucka Punk girlfriend] has become very worried about the neighborhood, probably influenced by what she reads on the Internet and her soon to be [sucka punk] ex-coworkers opinions. [Sucka Punk] just sent me an article along with a few lines expressing deep concern about safety in general. At this point it is fairly clear to me that she won't want to move to the house (read: the hood).

Again I deeply apologize and thank you for all the time you two invested on us and wish that you find a good match in the near future.

very truly yours,

-Boyfriend of Sucka Punk

Now of course, I'm pissed. I'm pissed because we have to start this thing all over. To be fair I understand her concern even though our neighborhood is pretty safe and incident free. However, if you're planning on moving the first thing you should do is research the neighborhood and DON'T waste people's time. And as if to add insult to injury, this chick tries to call to say that she's not racist! First off, why bother calling. Second, I can deal with a blatant racist, at least they stick to what they say, but I can't stand people who flip flop and renege.

I have to remember that everything happens for a reason so farewell Sucka Punk and good riddance. On with the search!

Now more than ever, I'm convinced that its time to buy my own home. Someday this could be me...

Sigh.....Whoooooosh... Sigh

2008-12-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

Ladies, you know that feeling after a long day when your lungs, breasts, fat-back and shoulders have all been compressed for hours and at the end of that day/night you finally unhook your bra... That great sense of release, relief? Well I experienced that in a whole other fashion today. After weeks of studying, failing, studying again, procrastinating and then studying, I finally took the GRE and its DONE! I was so relieved of the weight of stress when I walked out of the testing center that I almost forgot to remember my score.

I know now, I should have done it right after/during college, because this waiting hecksa years is not the business.

On another tangent, what's with these young girls thinking its okay to be rude? At the testing center there was this girl who couldn't have been more than 20-21 and I don't know if she had something to prove or what. She was the rudest little thing, talking to a grown man like he was a child. You'd think that if you're going to have constant interaction with people, you make a point to hone your customer service skills. SMH. She was either going to get a finger waving "little girl..." or slapped up by someone who was having a really bad day. Whats going on with the youngin's?

Self Sabotage

2008-11-24T10:18:00.001-08:00

So at what point do you admit that you're on the road to sabotaging your own mission? I get the feeling that I've been putting my self in this position for the last week. When I get overwhelmed with what feels like everything going wrong I turn my focus on the parts that I already have help with... but the things that are solely on me... well they kind of fall to the wayside. So am I stressed out, overwhelmed and discombobulated? Or am I just bullskitting...

Nasal Irrigation

2008-11-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

The Neti Pot, The Neti Pot!

I was first introduced to this little apparatus when I was suffering from the flu and my man's mother called to check in on us. She said, "there is this little pot that you fill with saline water and you pour it through your nose, its amazing!" I dismissed it because I just wanted the drugs! I wasn't about to pour some stuff in my nose, stuff is supposed to just come out, right!

After a few days of misery, the mister asks if I want to give it a shot. I was fed up suffering through my 9 hour work days and just wanted something to fix me. Off we went to the nearest Longs and found the closest thing to a neti pot, i.e. it fit under the criteria of a nasal irrigation device. Though admittedly, I was kind of disappointed that it didn't look like a genie lamp.

Let me just say I've never experienced anything quite like that before. Not many people can say they've poured water up their nostril and watched it drip out the other nostril. And let me say that first stream of water coming out your nose is pretty darn refreshing!

I'm a believer and I've been pushin' it ever since.

Dear Sir

2008-11-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

Dear President Elect Barack Obama,

I would just like to thank you for working so hard to get elected and all that good stuff. Since you were named President Elect on Tuesday, I've been in a perpetually good mood; and it just might be contagious. Strangers are no longer afraid to ask me questions and in a very polite manner. People say please and thank you to me with a lot more frequency. Additionally, I am willing to assist these people. I am not easily annoyed by them disrupting my walk to ask me for directions, or asking me how to work the parking pay machine. It feels good to help people now.

At work, my opinion matters and is valued much more than before you were elected. They know that I too could be president if I really wanted it. Thank you for that. I'm sure you will be receiving many more letters similar to this so I'll keep it short.

Once again, thank you for all your hard work. See you in the white house!

Forever indebted to you,
Ms. Future Pres

Progressive Discrimination

2008-11-06T11:50:00.000-08:00

It was a bittersweet moment, Obama was declared the President Elect and here in California Proposition 8 passed. It's as though we took 5 steps forward and 2 steps back. California voters may have voted for Obama but they also showed that they voted religion over basic human rights. How is it that so many people of color who have been discriminated against, whose rights have been violated, who once faced marriage laws against their own races, still can turn around with no hesitation and revoke someones right to a family. By gay couples marrying is anyone truly affected? No. This is not a case of pedophilia where a child is at risk, this is not a case of incest where health factors of ones offspring are a risk. People keep going on about how its against their religious values, that's fine, however there is a reason why there is a separation of church and state and there is a difference between religious marriage and legal marriage. The argument that civil unions are just as good as marriage is not true, some places don't even recognize civil unions.

As a 'hetero' I'm so ashamed and disappointed that my neighbors in this "progressive" state have let their own personal opinions cloud their judgment of what is just. I'm still baffled at how a majority can judge or vote on something regarding a minority when it has absolutely nothing to do with them.

I could go on and on about this, but the root message of this proposition, or the opposition of it, is that it affects families, it affects one's rights.

I, too, sing America

2008-11-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

If you asked me a year ago if this was possible, I would have said "only in my dreams". I cannot begin to describe the sense of pride that I felt while I watched President Obama make his acceptance speech. He has run such a respectable campaign, one that I've never seen the likes of in my lifetime and doubt many can say otherwise. I've had a Black president before, an African president, who like so many others went from liberator to a censoring dictator. But this is different. Today, in Barack Obama, I see a man of ethics, a moral man, one that is considerate and observant. I see a man who will not be plagued by the corrupt nature that consumes some of our leaders in Africa and the world.

As the words "Obama President Elect" flashed on the TV from the Fox network (yes, I watched them because its important to see all the sides) it didn't register. I kept thinking, 'no, don't get your hopes up, they will take it back, demand some sort of recount...'. And I realized how pessimistic our community is; how easy it is for us to let go of hope. More than the feelings that I was filled with, which initially were just disbelief, I imagined what every Black man would be feeling. Were the 5 Black men that sat with me in my living room thinking that:

Right now, at this very moment, I feel validated, I am more than my skin and I am my skin; I am the roots that link me to this country and to another that I have yet to know. I can tell my son that he will and can accomplish great things and his biggest barrier is himself ... and I can believe it.

It was only at that moment considering what it means to be a black male and all that is endured in that to see a Black man become president that I can cry. Cry for my sons, for my fathers, for my husbands, for my brothers and this beautiful achievement. Cry for all of those who fought and died, cry for those who did not live to see this day.

I am amazed by the human spirit, by the strength in faith. I am rejuvenated. I am beyond inspired. I watch this man and woman, who have traveled a road that no other Black-American couple has seen first hand, and it is clear that they love each other and respect each other... Well at least most of us seem to think so, it's possible that we've constructed that image in our heads as what Black love is supposed to look like. All the same, it is beautiful.

Perhaps my words are a bit jumbled as I haven't been able to sort all my feelings in the last 24 hours, but one thing is certain, we are so fortunate to have witnessed this event. This should motivate change within us all; there are no more excuses now. This is our country and although I may not have been in the past, I am proud to claim it. The words of Langston Hughes have been in my head since last night and seem all too appropriate: I, too, am America.

Finish the sentence

2008-08-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

1. I love... LIFE, the children in my life, myself, my family, my friends

2. Right now I want... to take a long nap [YAWN].

3. I feel like... calling out from work today -- staying home -- curling up in bed -- tuning out the world.

4. I hate it when...I cry.

5. I fear... failure.

6. I'm lonely without... laughter.

7. I need... to get my act together... discipline.

8. Today I... have been crazy tired.

9. Tomorrow I'm... going to be a hell of a lot happier because I have the rest of the week off.

10. I just... started really working... now i'm back to bsing.

11. I want to meet... umm.... people.

12. I'm hungry for... absolutely nothing

13. I love it when... I can crack up with someone over something that may not be that funny.

14. I'm afraid of... --- large bodies of water!!!!

15. I'm listening to... NPR podcasts.

16. I'm wearing... slacks - work appropriate stuff.

17. I wish I was in... bed, couch, lawn, basically anywhere I can fall asleep. OR in another country on vacation.

18. I'm craving... mmmmmmmm. chocolate

19. I want to get... away.

20. I can... accomplish anything I really want to.

21. I can't... believe I still have hours before I get home.

22. I have... some wonderful people in my life.

23. I haven't... kept in contact with family as much as I should have.

24. I'm too nervous to... watch someone stand anywhere near a steep ledge.

25. My Mom thinks I am... um, absent minded.

26. My Dad thinks I'm... responsible?

27. My liver... is damn healthy

28. I'm most happy when... I'm in the company of the kids and family.

29. I'm sad when... I witness injustice.

30. I like eating... a whole lot .

31. I hate eating... eggs--among other things.

32. I love watching... reality tv shows. guilty pleasure, I'm sure its just a phase.

33. I love listening to... music.

34. I like playing... stuff

35. I hate waking up to... noise.

36. I can see... that this is going to be a long day.

37. I'm glad that.... things are looking up.

38. I'm disappointed that... some Hilary supporters are just crazy.

39. I look like... I could use a vacation.

40. I wish I looked like... I don't wish I looked like anyone. I'm happy with just bein' me.

The Pain... who knew

2008-07-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well I pretended that it would not hurt as much as I thought and well .... it hurt WAY more. I got another tattoo this past weekend, and like most people afterward (and during the process) I thought to myself, "I'm not going to put myself through this much pain ever again! You're so stupid, you just had to get it on a sensitive spot! " and its amazing how sensitive it is, you'd never know.

Anyway, I know I've neglected my writing and that's probably why I've been going a little crazy. But for now I'll just leave you with this:

shout out to the mister, jelly and lima for holding my hand :)

Bama of the week: Too grown for this

2008-04-09T11:44:00.000-07:00

I knew that my preference was not to have roommates but considering the cost of living and after letting the mister convince me ... i still don't know how he hustled me ;), we end up moving and adding on roommates.

Now, I have a particular way about me that I like things cleaned and i wont trip off of things not being perfect but pick up after yourself, don't leave your personal stuff out in common areas, and please dust things. That's not much at all... but apparently it is. One believes that cleaning the kitchen means running the dishwasher with 5 cups and 2 plates in it. The fuck? Fine, I;ll deal with it, in a very passive aggressive way mind you. Throw all your shit you left out in your room, make piles of your belongings for you to carry back upstairs with you. I need to change.

Where I draw the line is when you start eating up all my shit. I gotta make sure I have enough for the two other people I support and I really don't know why folks think that means they can take, take, take. You all know groceries ain't cheap these days and I'd appreciate it if you and your 2 homies don't eat up all 7 turkey burgers when you get back from the club, Or don't eat up the cookies I set aside (wrapped up and inconspicuous) for little mans class. What's worse... how you just going to leave ONE. Just ONE out of all them mutha$()*#? Of course, if you got it, then its for us all,... problem is you ain't never got it!

OK. I think I'm going to have to punch the bag when I get home... or i might need to vent some more.

(Disclaimer: I'd just like to add that I love all of my roomies, past and present -with the exception of my freshman summer in college- I acknowledge that I have ridiculous standards SOMEtimes.)

Money making

2008-02-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

When I was younger I didn't care how much money my job made me as long as I was happy doing what I loved. I boldly stated that my kids better get used to having nothing because I wasn't going to have the funds to dish out on needless luxuries. Broke and happy was my dream. Well, now I'm at a job thats just a job and not making the money that would make up for it being just a job. Still, I don't care for material things as much as the average American; I'm not into buying gadgets, not a clothes or shoe whore. There is nothing that I'd spend a whole lot of money on... well maybe a Nikon D40 but you have to feed your hobbies ... right?

So back to business. I started to consider how so many things we enjoy doing involve money. Yes, there are a lot of free things but unless you are a serious cyclist you're going to need gas to get where you want to go and these days its a pretty penny. Which brings me to my main struggle: traveling. I want to be able to travel to so many places, and so far I've been blessed to have visited most of the continents. Getting older doesn't help. You have to start thinking about saving up money for a home, paying off debts, etc, etc. And somehow all the fun stuff always falls to the back burner. So how do people do it? One option I've discovered is an automatic withdrawal from your paycheck into a high interest account. Now all I have to do is figure how much and how often .... and where to =)

Genocide

2008-02-20T11:12:00.000-08:00

I'm truly disgusted by by this. Who approves this, what are they telling the people they use? This is essentially murder.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/02/18/MNH9V2LUT.DTL

Anti-HIV gel for women fails in African trial

Sabin Russell, Chronicle Medical Writer

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

(02-18) 06:00 PST -- An experimental gel meant to protect women against HIV failed to do so in a large-scale trial in Africa, the latest in a string of setbacks in testing new ways to stem the spread of AIDS.

Results of the trial were released Monday afternoon in South Africa, where the study was carried out among 6,200 volunteers living in three regions of the country.

Half the women were assigned the active ingredient, Carraguard, a gel-like substance derived from seaweed; the other half received an inert material of the same look and texture. Laboratory studies had shown that Carraguard, inserted vaginally, could protect against HIV, but the latest test showed it did not work in the real world.

In tests that lasted up to three years, there were 134 infections in the Carraguard group, and 151 in the group that received the placebo - statistically a dead heat.

Researchers will look at possible reasons for the disappointing results, including the failure of the women in the test to use the gel during most of their sexual encounters.

"Carraguard was safe, but not effective against HIV transmission," said Khatija Ahmed, principal investigator for the study.

This was the first major trial of a so-called microbicide to be completed, as earlier or smaller studies of such products had to be halted when evidence emerged that they not only were not working, but may have increased the risk of HIV infection.

Because Carraguard was proved safe, it might be reused in future studies that add antiviral drugs to the gel. "We will be developing the next generation of products using Carraguard as a base," said Robin Maguire, director of product development for the Population Council, a New York nonprofit.

The Population Council carried out the study with financial support from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and the federal government's U.S. Agency for International Development.

All three organizations have pumped millions of dollars into research to find a microbicide. The long-term goal is to develop a gel or cream that could be inserted vaginally or rectally to block HIV infection.

In Africa, where many women have little control over whether their husband or partner will wear a condom, the development of female-controlled HIV-prevention technologies is a high priority that so far has yielded disappointing results.

In 2000, a study among South African prostitutes showed an alarming increase in HIV infections among those assigned to Nonoxynol-9, an already approved contraceptive gel that blocked the AIDS virus in the test tube. But it apparently also irritated vaginal tissues, providing more routes for HIV to invade the bloodstream.

In January 2007, two trials of an experimental microbicide, cellulose sulfate, were abruptly halted in Africa and India after an initial analysis showed it could be increasing the risk of HIV infection.

In July, a three-year African study testing whether simple use of a diaphragm might protect women from HIV found that it did not.

Two weeks ago, a major study exploring whether treating genital herpes infection with a common drug, acyclovir, could also reduce the risk of HIV infection in gay men and African women reported there was no protective effect.

In the Carraguard study, there are already strong indications that it might have failed because the women in the study were not able to use it consistently. Women typically utilized the product once a week, but sometimes up to 10 times a week. But during the course of the experiment, results showed women used it only 44 percent of the time they had sex.

"That overall number is low, and it could have had an impact," said Barbara Friedland, a Population Council researcher who coordinated behavioral studies in the trial.

Female participants in the trial did not know whether they received the active ingredient, Carraguard, or the placebo. Both groups were given condoms and counseled extensively to use them. It will take further analysis of the study results to determine whether patterns of condom use or failure to use the microbicide played any part in the outcome.

Carraguard had been considered a possible microbicide since 1994. Earlier, smaller studies had indicated it was safe, and that women found the feel, scent and texture of the product acceptable.

According to Population Council researcher Maguire, studies showed that Carraguard could withstand storage in the hot environmental conditions found in Africa for at least four years. The organization is now conducting early studies to determine whether Carraguard might work better if it was mixed with an antiviral drug normally used to treat HIV infection.

The Look

2008-01-22T14:57:00.001-08:00

On behalf of all people, this little girl gave Bush "the look". Makes you proud.

A life lost

2008-01-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

Sometimes

I truly hate how we live. Yesterday a boy was shot around the corner from where I live. It pains me that we cannot live among each other without fearing each other. It saddens me that our young people have become so apathetic to the oppressive living conditions. The more I think about it the more I realize that having a young child at home makes all this even scarier. Knowing that anything could happen at any time. I just get chills thinking about it.

Rampant genocide, suicide bombings, hate crimes, war, greed.

This is not the world I want for my children.

Communication is the key!.... I just suck at it sometimes

2008-01-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

So, its Thursday. I haven't been feeling very motivated to write anything. Its the new year and I was hoping that just because it is the New Year that I would automatically be filled with motivation to accomplish all things. But big-kid steps are probably the way to go instead of false bravado that would end with me flat on my face. Anyway, I was talking to a couple of friends and through a few of my own interactions I've realized that sometimes as much as I learn, I forget to put it in play. This year is all about looking in... internal house cleaning.

I've realized that over the past couple of years I've learned more about communication than I thought I'd need to know. The tricky part is that its a constant learning experience. I always thought of myself as a great listener, one who gave sound advice, etc. And then I realized that that was usually only the case when the situation didn't have to do with me or relate to me in any way. So when it comes to our relationships (usually "romantical" or close friendships) things tend to get a bit sensitive. This is the point when listening skills tend to decrease as defensiveness increases. Or the: I'm not really listening because I'm too busy thinking about all the other things that this person has done to me. Or I know I'm right and this is some bs. I am so right let me just wait until s/he's done talking so I can say just how right I am. Sometimes we're so focused on thinking or believing how right we are that we forget that sometimes it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, just that someone's feelings might be hurt or there could have been a misunderstanding.

I know that there are times that i can be the Queen of what I see as "common courtesy" and quick to jump on someone who doesn't follow those "common" rules. So of course when they step out of line its because they don't have home training, right? Wrong. That's when I have to check myself and say that its "not all about you". Just because someone does something that may offend you, it doesn't always mean they are doing it to you or with the purpose of imposing any ill will. But we can all be a little self-centered and we see it as this grandiose offense. Just the other night I find myself flipping out because my dear better half did not employ this so called "common" common courtesy. In my mind, I let my emotions get the best of me and its because he's being petty or divisive rather than... lets say careless or even just unaware. So all of the communication that I've prided myself of learning went out the window. Needless to say, it was unproductive. I don't want to chalk it down to it being because I'm a woman because men fall into it too.

So what's the bottom line?

Communication or miscommunication is what makes or breaks our interactions. And the tricky part is that we can never master it, just keep learning and adjusting as you go. I can safely say that I'm learning and [trying] to employ all I learn!

Greener Grass or Half-assed?

2008-01-09T12:50:00.001-08:00

This is when you start to realize that perhaps you're not really looking at your own situation in a fair light. The grass will (always) be greener on the other side if you never take the opportunity to look down and realize that your grass ain't that bad at all. Looking at your neighbors lawn, however aesthetically or emotionally appeasing it may be, won't do a darn thing for your lawn.

Metaphors aside, there is nothing wrong with wanting a positive change in your life. But, change requires action; personal action set in motion by you. A call for change without action is like a call for war without strategy.

Looking back can be nice, just
don't forget to look forward.

Now, with that said, the other side may be greener, better, whatever, but if you're cutting it with the same broke lawnmower (i.e. "you") will you be able to maintain it? And if you see this seemingly immaculate lawn on a single day mid-summer you won't appreciate the two seasons of serious work that it took to get it to be so green or the care it takes to keep it green. Folks want golf course manicure status with Astroturf effort. Easy doesn't always mean better.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. (Robyn's siggy)

2007-12-21T19:20:00.001-08:00

Life has proven to be pretty interesting and quite challenging over the last few years. I think some of it has to do with not wanting to deal with most of the stuff that we are presented with and also learning things about ourselves that we're not necessarily happy with. But also its a test. A test to our dedication, our morale, our faith, our drive, our integrity... basically testing one in what it means to be them.

I face myself unsatisfied with each job so far and moving for the 2nd (~3rd) time in the last year and wondering when things will smooth out a bit. My relationships have been the best and the hardest I've worked at. They have tested me on who I am and what I want in my life. Of course there are the challenges that come up, and I'm still learning. Falling down and getting back up, some days it takes a little longer. I am grateful to the old time friends and the new ones who've been around to watch me grow or add something to my life and that growth.

As I sit here hours before I'm off the clock, I recall a conversation I had a few days ago. A pastor was telling his congregation that as they are all judging or criticizing others they forget the struggles that they too face. And perhaps how much time they are wasting focusing on someone else's faults when they could spend that time bettering themselves. It is hard to look within yourself sometimes. Its hard to be accountable for your flaws. You don't necessarily have to change who you are but you do have to commit to being committed to your better self.

*Comp froze and all that was typed after this point lost*

So I'm not about to retype that.

The gist of what I'm trying to say is that with the new year approaching I've been feeling a slight pressure of trying to fit in all that I failed to accomplish this year. I suppose its because I may have feared that if I didn't do it this year, I won't follow through in the next. I do realize that before I run towards making X number of goals, I need to walk towards them while appreciating all of what has concluded this year. This is the year of not holding back. I will not fear my potential, I will take hold of it courageously, committed ... This is not a new years resolution, it is a commitment to oneself. A commitment that allows one, year after year, to blossom into the individual they are supposed to be.

The Judgment

2007-11-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. I'm tired of everyone judging others based on limited or no information whatsoever. No, judging period. I admit its very easy to judge people, but that don't make it right folks. I've been thought of many things on a very wide spectrum, from most positive to most negative. Yes, let the haters hate and lovers love, but seriously as much as our society is about talking mess about others ... did anyone ever win an award for it? Did someone lie on their death bed and say, "oh, I'm so glad I talked all that mess. If there is anything I don't regret, it's that."

Am I a little perturbed?
Yes.
Have I been talked about?
Yes.
Was it valid?
Hell no.

And THAT is what irks me the most. If you're not going to like me at the very least don't like me for who I am, not for whatever it is you want to believe or were told to believe. Folks think they know the whole story, or any of it at all, and want to sit on the high horse and judge, go ahead ... but I know one thing, its a waste of time, space and life.

Sentencing Children to Die in Prison

2007-11-19T10:59:00.001-08:00

Sentencing Children to Die in Prison

Nov. 19, 2007--The practice of sentencing juvenile offenders to die in
prison by imposing life without parole has been abolished by the vast
majority of countries in the world, yet thousands of children are
serving the sentences in prisons across the United States, according
to a report released today by the USF School of Law's Center for Law
and Global Justice.

With at least 2,381 children sentenced to life without the possibility
of parole in the United States, and seven such cases in Israel, the
two countries are the only remaining nations continuing to impose the
sentence, which violates international law.

"The sentence violates customary law binding all nations, and is
prohibited by the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child. This is
the harshest sentence that can be given short of execution," said
Michelle Leighton, director of human rights programs for the USF
Center for Law and Global Justice.

The juvenile death penalty was eliminated in the United States in 2005
by the Supreme Court's ruling in Roper v. Simmons. In that decision,
the court cited a brief authored by USF Law Professor Connie de la
Vega, director of the Frank C. Newman International Human Rights Law
Clinic, which pointed out that most countries prohibit the execution
of criminals who were under 18 at the time of their crime.

"By clarifying the law and facts surrounding the use of life sentences
without parole for juvenile offenders, this new report highlights how
alone the United States is as a violator of the prohibition against
such sentences," said de la Vega, who co-authored the report with
Leighton. "Documentation of the abuse is but the first step in
remedying that violation. We hope that it helps to mobilize shame in
the international community as well as in the United States so that
steps can be taken to stop it."

Bama Worthy: Is Tiffany Pollard really famous?

2007-11-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

You knew it was coming. Tiffany Pollard aka "New York", 25, is still at it with ILNY2. And its a guilty pleasure of mine to watch this crap. I just can't stop. I think partially due to the fact that its a bunch of dudes "hoein" themselves. I can't tell if she's just a good "business" woman or its lucky and craziness.

Anywho, I've kinda caught up on the late tip, watching re-runs and let me say this is the most ridiculousness I've ever witnessed. "Tailor Made" has become the official whopping boy for everyone, and justifiably so. It was bad enough when Buddha (great body, funny face), wrapped him up. Then that other white cat, went to praying and saying mantras, to aid him in resisting the urge to beat him down, after he spit on him. I'm waiting on New York to really nut up on him, and by the time the show is over, but she just half-asses yelling at him as he flinches and whimpers a bit, ... and for ratings sake, he's still on the damn show.

The show is watchable but I still feel as though I lost a couple of brain cells after listening to "It" mostly. This man, I'm hoping is really just acting because he is the epitome of everything "ni$$erish". I think its the dumb street cat version of the dumb blond; they're not as stupid as they act but welcome the attention.

Flavor of Love, I love New York, ... and we wonder why networks pimp this image of black folks. Why do I keep putting myself through this?

What if God gave us Do-Overs?

2007-10-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

Would you want one? I know, ideally, I'd want to be able to do over certain parts of my life. Mainly because I'm a lot harder on myself than anyone else (which is true for most of us). Sometimes I know I'm tripping because I know there are people within a five-mile radius who would like to trade places with me. And this totally contradicts my "never regret" mentality, but sometimes it's not about regret, just ... a do-over. At least I'd like to think so.

Bama of the Week 2.1: Black people, black people

2007-10-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to wrap my head around this but still, I can't say I'm surprised.

Amid furor, DJ cancels party for 'light-skinned' black women

'I made a mistake,' local party promoter says after Internet backlash.

DETROIT -- A local DJ and party promoter retreated Thursday from a plan to sponsor a bash that would let "light-skinned" black women into a downtown club for free.

But the "Light Skin Libra Birthday Bash" at Club APT on Woodward Avenue turned out to be a bashing -- of promoter Ulysses "DJ Lish" Barnes after word of the unusual party spread on the Internet.

"I made a mistake," Barnes said. "I didn't think there would be a backlash."

Barnes, who said he's been a party promoter for six years, canceled the event.

He said he has gotten angry calls and e-mails from around the country about the party.

"I didn't mean to offend anyone," he said. "I had planned a party for other shades (of black women). We were going to take a shade of color each week. Next week was going to be a party for 'Sexy Chocolate' and the week after that 'Sexy Caramel.' "

Barnes is African-American and describes himself as "dark skinned." The issue of skin color is an often painful and emotional among African-Americans. The history of slavery and the resulting legacy of intra-racial segregation have sometimes pitted darker-skinned and lighter-skinned blacks against one another.

A noted Los Angeles-based activist who goes by the name of Pearl Jr. was among the chorus of voices complaining about the party.

"I had a good conversion with him and he understood," said Pearl Jr., founder of the Black Women's Movement in Los Angeles and the author of the book "Black Women Need Love, Too."

"Ignorance can't always be an excuse," she said. "Colorism is real in the black community. It's especially very degrading to dark-skinned black women."

The party's discriminating tone harkens to the day of the "brown paper bag test," which compared the complexions of blacks to a brown grocery bag before they could be admitted to social clubs and affairs, said Pearl Jr.

The activist said she had a heart-to-heart talk with Barnes and he immediately told her he would cancel the party.

"He was basically falling in line with what we have been taught (by society) that the less African-looking you are the better you are," said Pearl Jr. "Basing whether someone is admitted on their skin color is discriminatory, which is really against the law."

Comments on Web sites and blogs about the party included urging a boycott of the party and filing a lawsuit against the party's promoter.

"The way this should be handled is that our light-skinned sisters should refuse to go unless the darker-skinned sisters received the same treatment," wrote one blogger. "We must stand together and not allow ANYONE, especially, a club to divide us."

Barnes said he is hoping to host an event to raise money for a charity to make up for whatever problems or pain he caused over the party flier.

Bama of the Week: "I really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out" (C) Tribe Called Quest

2007-10-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

But I don't know about this. Granted this is a few weeks old but I just heard about it.

Indiana teacher's aide resigns after apparently stapling note to student

Oct 12, 2007 05:01 PM EDT

PLYMOUTH, INDIANA (NBC) - A teacher's aide in Indiana is in hot water and has resigned after trying to staple a note to a fourth grader's forehead.

The principal at Jefferson Elementary in Plymouth says when the fourth grader refused to remove a post-it note from her forehead, the teacher's aide attempted to staple it to her head. She was left with two holes in her head and received a tetanus shot as a precaution.

Neither the aide nor the student are being identified at this time. But a report was filed with local police.

School principal Bob Remenih says, "She had a Post-It not on her shirt and then she put it on her forehead. And she was asked to take it off. I'm not quite ... and then when she didn't, I think there was some sarcasm of 'Do you want me to put it there permanently?'"

That's what I call follow-through on a normally empty-threat! But if that were my child I would probably sue that teacher and then have her beaten.

From Thembi

Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said. -Mark Twain

2007-10-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

After an odd encounter at work I started to wonder why people lie, why they feel the need to, and how easy it can be for some.

Lying:

Definition

A lie is any deliberate deviation from the truth; it is a falsehood communicated with the intention to mislead or deceive.

Partly, I believe one may lie because they fear the person they are lying to. But that begs the question, are we really afraid of all those people we lie to? More specifically, and perhaps more accurately its probably because we fear the result of telling the truth.

Of course there are the big lies and the smaller fibs. If your friend asks you if an outfit makes them look fat, you might say that something about the dress itself is not flattering, i.e. the color, the cut, etc. You're not going to say "hell yeah girl, you look like the poster child for Fat Burger." Now if you are cheating on your S.O. and are "caught" and you deny it ... there is a problem. You've not only committed the ultimate relationship no-no but you just lied about it.

So aside from the obvious extremes, where can you draw the line? How does lying not become so easy to someone and even worse how does one not get so addicted that the first thing/lie they think of is what comes out, even if they didn't mean to? I think that's the one that bothers me the most; when you the first thing that sounds good is what pops out of your mouth. .. even worse when you're lying to loved ones.

---
Carl Sagan:

One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.

---

Everybody lies. I'm no saint, I've told my share of lies and fibs, especially to the parents (hence, fear) and the "*cough*, *cough*, I'm too sick to come in...", but I know lying isn't something that comes naturally to a lot of us. I wonder and get scared of the thought that it does come naturally to some. Yikes.

I do know one thing... once lied to (big lie), its pretty difficult for me to believe anything you have to say.

Bama of the Week 2: When keeping it real goes wrong.

2007-10-10T15:07:00.000-07:00

This week's decision was not a difficult one at all. It seems that life can just throw everything hectic at you at once. The past week, its definitely been a bit much and I think I'm doing OK at handling it. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. Hence, I present this weeks award to:

Bama of the Week 2: Me! When keeping it real goes wrong.

Bama of the Week

2007-10-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

["Bama of the Week" is dedicated to whomever or whatever situations manage to irk me during the week... including myself]

This was a tough week people. I just couldn't decide for a while who was going to win this award. After much deliberation, I finally settled on the very first "BAMA OF THE WEEK"!

I dedicate this to the inconsiderate, careless, thoughtless, self absorbed people of the world. Those you entrust with your concerns to only be shoved aside for "oh, .... guess what happened to me!". To those oblivious to their own actions but can constantly find someone else to blame. To the unaccountable; to the sure I'll call, but never do; to the let-me-tell-you-everything-thats-wrong-with-you but don't-try-talking-about-me folks.

So, if you know someone or have encountered a situation like this, know that you are not alone. Sometimes the easiest solution is to tape up their picture (to a pillow so that you don't harm yourself) and punch the hell out of it.

That's all for now.

Things to Never Do... When Dating/Coupling

2007-10-01T15:13:00.001-07:00

A lot of people I know fit in to the "fresh to dating", "settled monogamers", or "serial daters" categories. Through them all, I've heard some great stories. Some of these might seem obvious to you, but surprisingly happen at alarming rates. Is it a gender thing; is it a not-so-common sense thing? I haven't quite figured that out, but what I do know is if more than one of us is complaining about it, chances are more of you have experienced it. These are some basic things you should NOT do:

Don’t make the mistake of disclosing your past to your present if you don’t know how your S.O. (significant other) will take that sort of thing. However! not the case if it is something that affects the other person or something important that they should know.
If your SO asks you to attend some event with them, whether it be a work thing or a social visit with friends, do not go if you intend to sulk and be anti-social.
[Ladies (b/c we’re all guilty of it)] Do Not insist that he/she tell you about their past “ex”capades if you can't handle it. Don't just get mad after.
If you’re going to catch your SO in a lie, DO have all the information/evidence you need. Otherwise you just gave up your method so now they know how not to get caught.
Don't play like you have a good memory when you don't. If you don't remember, don't make the stuff up.
If you are a slob, Don't excuse your place being a mess because you didn't want put up a front that you were clean. Please do, front away! Because pretty soon you'll be farting in bed and the topic of your sloppiness will be the least of the grumbles. =/
Don't have double standards when it comes to your sex life, especially if you're the one suggesting it. What the…???
Don’t EVER tell your SO that you have fantasized, dreamt, daydreamed, etc. about having relations with anyone but them. You’d be surprised how many people are dumb enough to do this. (Unless your partner is into that sort of thing)
If your date is paying for the meal, don't tell them that they were stingy on the tip. Keep it moving.
Don’t end arguments by turning some deeply private secret s/he's confided to you... against her/him.
If its that time of the month, leave her alone! Don't go asking why she's acting this way or that, you already know!
No matter how rude your date is demanding you buy her stuff at a fair, a gentleman should never make her take the bus home. Just cut the date early. ;)
(Your biggest pet peeve here)
Just because women wait on you hand in foot in your culture, doesn't mean it happens in my world.
Do not pick up your date in a mortuary van and then proceed to do a pick up.

Starting Off

2007-10-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

Now I don't want to say I've jumped on the bandwagon and become an official blogger, because its not the case. This is simply a chronicle of ideas that I have that are ultimately the break down to all the problems I hear about and encounter on a daily basis. I am not licensed to give out advice of any kind, yet I do expect you to take what I say at face value and not question it as anything but the truth. I do however encourage lots of dialog and praise. Therefore, enjoy your sessions learning what it all means.

To be honest, I'm wondering if this will be another hobby that wilts before it sees the sun. Stay tuned!